S**t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern

S**t My Dad Says

By Justin Halpern

  • Release Date: 2010-06-04
  • Genre: Biography
Score: 4.5
From 332 Ratings
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'At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up, he had a way of cutting right through the b******t and pointing out exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down all the things he said to me…'

Meet Justin Halpern and his dad. Almost 1.5 million people follow Mr Halpern’s philosophical musings every day on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his sayings. What emerges is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father and son relationship from a major new comic voice. As Justin says at one point, his dad is ‘like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair’; and this is the sort of s**t he says…

‘You know, sometimes it’s nice having you around. But now ain’t one of those times. Now gimmie the remote, we’re not watching this b******t.’

‘Happy Birthday, I didn’t get you a present… Oh, mom got you one? Well, that’s from me then, too – unless it’s shitty.’

‘Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn’t stand for s**t. Just sat there. Big let down.’

‘The worst thing you can be is a liar . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2.’

‘Why the f**k would I want to live to 100? I’m 73 and shit’s starting to get boring. By the way, there’s no money left when I go, just fyi.’


  • Funny

    By tjennion
    I fully enjoyed reading every word! Your dad is a brilliant character, creative and you are lucky to have such a straight shooter. Best easy read...
  • Truly Brilliant!

    By FluffyRow
    An awesomely good book, I thoroughly enjoyed it, and will re-visit it time and time again, I loved it.
  • Brill book

    By karen279baboo
    One of the funniest books inhave read in a while Worth a read But its not very long though
  • Jaw achingly funny, superb read!!

    By Stuart Broom
    This book made me laugh out loud on so many occasions and even thinking about some of the quotes make my sides hurt with laughter. Makes you think of your own dad and several friends and family members agree. Such a smart and easy book to fall into worth every single penny and I hope the author writes some more. 10/10 ................... 100% a fantastic book!!
  • Awesome book

    By Saxton1
    What a great, funny and absorbing book. I got some funny looks as I read it on the tram and laughed out loud. Read it again after I finished it the first time!!!
  • Enjoyable from start to finish!!!

    By philters
    Enjoyable from start to finish!!!
  • A delight.

    By SlyPostman
    I've read many books in all the available genres, but none has made me put my iPad/the book down from laughing so much. Recommended to all.
  • :)

    By Ryan Williamson
    Loved every page of this book, very very funny and also very heart warming.
  • Funniest book ever!

    By Falchy
    This book is pure gold, never laughed so much and had to stop reading it in public places.
  • Spot on

    By Millman101
    Had me crying with laughter. Worried the next book I read will be a total let down in comparison.